A Self-Care Search

Self-care has become a bit of a buzz word: #selfcare #selfcaresunday #selfcareishealthcare. If you did a quick google search you could find several articles that teach you “10 self-care principles” or even a few related to the “top health benefits of self-care.” The basic concept of self-care is the ability to deliberately focus on your own mental, emotional, and physical health while continuing to function within our busy overfilled schedules in order to reduce everyday anxiety and increase quality of life. As you can imagine, self-care is something that got back burnered for our summer. We tried very hard to keep it a priority. We encouraged each other to get outside to breathe fresh air for 20 minutes, go for a quick jog, walk to get a coffee, or just sleep in. Some days it was pretty easy, other times it was well over 72 hours before we were able to leave the four walls that held us captive.

Once Gavin was moved to the rehabilitation hospital, we were able to find a new normal that allowed to us to take better care of ourselves. We also decided that we were going to take a (previously planned) trip to Vermont for five days which included a wedding for close friends. Our families encouraged us to take the trip. Our mothers spent time at the hospital before we left in order to learn the new rehab routine. And even though they were well prepared and doing very well with all of Gavin’s care before we even left, I definitely needed more than gentle nudging that everything would be fine. On Tuesday, an hour before I was going to leave, I had an emotional breakdown. The catalyst was a simple question that Greg has asked me countless times before, “Christie, do you want to mountain bike tomorrow?” I started sobbing. I was overwhelmed with fear. Terrified of mountain biking. What if I broke my arm or my collar bone or went over the handle bars? That meant that I could not care for Gavin the way that I always had. That fear quickly spilled over into every simple thing we had planned for the weekend, ending with being so far away from Gavin for five whole days when he was still in a vulnerable state. Greg quickly gave me a way out and told me that I could stay home. Our friends would more than understand why I could not make it to their wedding. After a few silent moments of me contemplating unpacking my bags, Greg gently reassured me that this trip is exactly what I needed. And now, as hard as this might be, I am going to publicly announce that my husband was right.

We were able to have slow mornings with a short walk to a local coffee shop. As we hiked, I was able to look at the beautiful green scenery surrounding us with a sense of peace. The air had never felt more crisp and fresh. I went on two bike rides with Greg and enjoyed both of them.

We had dinners with friends we haven’t seen in over a year that were filled with good-for-the-soul laughter and glasses of wine or local craft brews. We watched our friends vow to a lifetime of love and commitment. We celebrated the village of love they created by their union.

We danced. Danced so hard. When the band played Gavin’s favorite jam, we FaceTime’d our toddler so he could dance to Uptown Funk with us. I’m not sure who loved it more, him or us. And that might make us “bad parents,” because it was definitely past his bedtime, but I do not regret that decision. More importantly, I do not regret the decision to take the trip.

While we were enjoying our much needed time away, Gavin was progressing in ways that surprised everyone, even the therapists. Gavin’s grandmothers were able to witness his grit and determination rather than watch it on a video. They were able to provide comfort and encouragement while the therapists pushed him harder. They were able to build a stronger, more trusting bond with their grandson. A change of scenery for us meant the same for Gavin. He had familiar, yet fresh faces, that provided the love and support that he needed.

During the mother of the groom speech, she told a story of a pediatrician asking her son the same question at each of his yearly check-ups. The question was, “Who loves you?” The first time he answered that question it included his mother and father. The second time, his grandparents and dog were added. As he grew, his answer grew because his village grew. And that village was surrounding them that night, providing all the love, support, and encouragement that they needed.

Her story brought me to tears, happy joyful tears for two reasons. She reminded me of the massive village of love that surroundsGavin. Parts of that village were taking care of him at that very moment. His village has grown significantly over the last year and provides an unending amount of love, support, and encouragement. She also reminded me that my village is taking care of me as well. My village has sent delicious dinners, thoughtful cards, necessary coffee & chocolates, spare toothbrushes, and dreamy hand creams. My village made it possible for me to spend time with my husband. My village made my self-care a priority when I didn’t think it was necessary. Even when I could not see it, my village provided all the love, support, and encouragement I needed.

Our trip was refreshing and some what relaxing (getting Greg to relax is a challenge). I am grateful for the gentle nudging that helped me find the courage to leave Gavin. I am grateful for the ability to find peace in simplicity. I am grateful for the healing that occurred when we forced ourselves to make self-care a priority. I challenge you to do the same. Self-care is not selfish. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Self-care made it possible for us to come back to our rigorous schedule with a sense of determination and strength that had started to fade. Celebrate your village by loving yourself the way they always have.

#TRUTH: Be kind to yourself.